Face it! Makeup & Mustache Tips for Winners
  • Be a winner!

    Kate Flannery, here. When Scot and I first came up with the Lampshades, hiding behind two things was essential. Make-up and mustaches. But I got rid of my mustache. (wah)

    If you ask Kassie about her make up, she’ll denie, denie, denie! She’s not one for fessin’ up about her beauty secrets. Lipstick and mascara is all she’ll cop to.

    So I wanna share with you one of my make-up tips.

    Fake lashes. False lashes on the top and the bottom, baby.

    You might not be as into the bottom lash look unless you’re a big Liza Minnelli fan. Only if you wanna look good from afar.

    First step

    Line your lashes with black  liquid eye liner more like a raccoon than usual to give yourself room to fudge.


    Use black eyelash glue and carefully and thinly put a line of glue on the inside of the lash. You can use white glue, too, which dries clear. I prefer the black Duo brandeyelash glue Black hides any gaps between your liner and your lashes and allows you to go out with wet glue. (You’d be surprised how fast we have to get ready for a Lampshades’ show. I have been known to have to deal with the lack of a real mirror backstage. Yes, the crome on a Nacho machine does work as a mirror. The show must go on.)


    Wait 30 seconds so the glue sets, relax your eyes and keep them slightly open and using your finger and thumb place the lash on your lid just about your real lashes. Be sure and put the lash on your skin, not your real lashes.

    Push down lightly with your finger and make sure you get enough of the band near your nose.

    The brand of lashes that I LOVE is called Darkness. You can find in your local Korean grocery store or K town Shisado make-up store.  You read right. Don’t be afraid of the Darkness. They have tons of styles to choose from. They have three quarter lashes that are less draggy. You can get a thicker lash for a dressy night out or a thin pair for a day at the beach. In her autobiography, glamour queen, Joan Crawford talks about cutting out every other lash for the natural look on hot days. (She also talks about getting the prop man on Whatever Happened to Baby Jane to switch out the chocolates in the box for chopped meat. “For a high protein snack.” I digress.) These Darkness lashes are half the price of drugstore brand lashes and they are way easier to put on. I have to thank my drag queen friend, Jackie Beat, who co-starred with me in the Off Broadway hit, Valley of the Dolls, for my new found expertise.

    The lower lashes

    You apply the same way only upside down. I am not talking down to you. Most people don’t know this. Try to get the band as close to the edge of your well lined eye as possible. Lower lashes are only for the brave. They‘re great for clown work or if you a great distance away from other people.

    Removal should be done carefully and kinda slow. Don’t ruin your false eyelashes. Gently pull from the inside of your nose to the outside of your eye and put them back on the original plastic tray they come with. Save them for another day. Like love, they are sometimes better the second time around.  Try not to take off your lashes at the bar or you might scare MR. RIGHT right off his stool. ( I am reminded of the episode of the Flinstones where Dino falls in love with a TV star dog named Sassy. He catches of glimpse of her removing her lashes and the look on his word less face was punctuated by a  trombone blast and the beat of the kettle drum. NOT GOOD. Don’t be like Sassy.)

    Get a good oil based make-up remover like Andrea’s Eye-Q pads in the little tub. They are great. Or if you feel fancy,  Lancome’s  Oil Base make-up remover does the job. Cold cream doesn’t really work .  Sorry, Grandma. It could take a day or so to get all the glue off. Be pleasant and persistant. It’s worth it.

    Now you know. Good Luck to you!


    Thanks Kate. Lookin good, really. I’ve always been a fan of props; wigs, glasses, you name it. All homages to the great comics of the past like Ernie Kovacs, Peter Sellers, Red Skeleton, and of course the man who so brazenly flouted his drawn on moustache to the point of it being socially acceptable, Groucho Marx. One of the reasons I came up with the character of Hori Pismo was that I wanted to do a character who didn’t want to bother with anything, just too much trouble. That would include the upkeep of a REAL moustache too, especially a tiny, thin one that might require some augmentation anyway. So, what better solution than drawing one on whenever you feel like it, and people won’t think you’re nuts. Thank you Groucho.

    After years of trial and error, I’ve found that eye brow pencil give the best result while giving alot of options. While the eyebrow liner with the wet brush applicator gives you the darkest, sharpest moustache, it doesn’t come off very easily. Colored art pencils don’t work either, you’ll cut your lip up like you were making out with a can of hobo beans. Markers are a no go too, they’re for passed out frat brats. I use a standard black eye brow pencil, whatever’s easiest to grab off the drug store shelf before you attract any attention. If you do need to stand in the make-up aisle for any amount of time, consider holding a small piece of paper in your hand like you’re shopping for someone else.

    OK, now that you’ve got pencil in hand, the hard part’s over. The only consideration left is whether you want a comic moustache, or a serious moustache. If you need a serious moustache, you’re deluding yourself. YOU’RE DRAWING IT ON, NO ONE WILL TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY. And since there’s no way to draw a comic moustache wrong, it’s just a matter of the degree of silliness you’re going for.

    Firstly, rub just a bit of moisturizer on your upper lip. It will make removing your lip cozy easier later. Clean shaven is probably preferable. If you think drawing it on your 2 day stubble will give you a more realistic effect, just be ready for a more ragged moustache. You sacrifice class for ruggedness. Here’s a lil nugget; if you draw your moustache on crooked, you’ll look more expressive! It’s true! By drawing your moustache slightly off center, unbalanced, asymmetrical or lopsided, you not only look like you’re making a funny face when you’re not, but when you DO make a face, it’s accentuated. Oh, one more thing- get your own pencil sharpener too, unless you have your own Kate Flannery to borrow one from.

    Well, that’s about all you need to know to start your long wonderful journey of being someone you’re not, someone you want to be but never can, or else you would just grow a real moustache. Please know that these tips are for drawing a thin to medium moustache ONLY! No matter how much you want a thick drawn on moustache, it simply can’t be done. Those days are over. While you can be someone else with a drawn on moustache, someone better, you are not now nor ever will be be a Marx brother.

    We did find a local Hollywood barber who sports a real pencil thin mustache. On Hollywood near Vermont at a barber shop called Sweeney Todd. (swear to God). The barber there has a REAL Hori mustache.  Classy and surreal with just a few hairs sticking out, it makes quite a statement. If you ask the guy for a picture he will smile with his eyes open. (unlike Hori Pismo) Do something interesting with your life,

    Be a winner.

    post any makeup and or mustaches that are Lampshades inspired!